Managing screentime is a common challenge for parents of children and adolescents. Typical questions parents find themselves asking are: How long should my child be allowed on screens? When should I allow my child to have social media? How do I transition my child off their screen? How do I ensure my child is being safe online? These are all very common questions (and very good questions) that are receiving a lot of attention in psychological research.
With all these questions in mind, it is easy to feel like the best approach is to not allow your child to access a screen or social media at all. Why a complete ban may not be the way to go:
- All our social worlds have expanded to the digital/online world (social media, gaming, or otherwise) – A complete ban may feel like an unwarranted social grounding or punishment to your child or teen.
- Your child or teen may feel like you don’t trust them – They may feel like they need to hide or be sneaky to access screens or social media.
- It will protect them now, but not forever – A complete ban will not teach your child or teen the critical thinking skills they need to effectively manage their own screen time or online safety independently now, or into adulthood. The best time to build these skills is now with opportunities for teaching moments, monitoring, and guidance.
There are many things you can do to support your child to build their digital/online intelligence. The following strategies are a useful starting point to cultivate a trusting relationship between you and your child around screentime and/or online safety, as well as to cultivate the development of the critical thinking skills they need to manage screen time and online safety on their own as they mature.
Having age-appropriate discussions with your child or teen is an important step in cultivating trust and critical thinking skills. Talk about your concerns openly, remain non-judgmental, and actively listen. If you have rules in place such as ‘No social media until X years old’ or ‘1 hour of screentime per day’, let them know why that rule is in place. Let your child know that you trust them (or want to trust them), that you want to work together, that you value their opinion, and that your main goal is teach them the skills to do this themselves – because many adults also find it challenging.
Lead by example! Children learn through watching. If you have rules in place around limiting screentime to 1 hour, show them how it’s done. And if you make mistakes, or need to make changes, that is okay too. Modelling the challenges of limiting screentime and how you manage or overcome these are all part of the process.
Use strategies to support transitions. Children (especially when young) can find it difficult to track and manage their own time. It may be useful to use a visual timer as compared to a timer that makes a sound when it is complete, to support young children with time tracking. If your child requests for another minute to wrap up the game, level or task they are completing, it may be helpful to grant the request (but only once or twice in a sitting!). It can be frustrating to end a game or task at a jagged point – so this is helpful to avoid a conflict – but also, by honouring their request, you can support your child to develop communication skills and help them feel trusted. It is also helpful to have alternative activities (e.g., crafts, sports) available to your child, to support them with developing additional interests outside of screentime.
Further information and ways to support your child with screentime and online safety:
- National Physical activity and exercise guidelines for children and young people (5 to 17 years): https://www.health.gov.au/topics/physical-activity-and-exercise/physical-activity-and-exercise-guidelines-for-all-australians/for-children-and-young-people-5-to-17-years
- Your child’s first smartphone – are they old enough?: https://www.esafety.gov.au/sites/default/files/2019-06/EC-ESP-First-Mobile-Phone-Flyer.pdf?v=1752015117133
- Parental controls: https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents/issues-and-advice/parental-controls
- Online Safety – Issues and Advice: https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents/issues-and-advice
Kristen Kiratzis – Psychologist (Ed and Dev registrar)
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